Antsy Fidget

I'm antsy.

Not sure when it started but here I am, mindlessly swinging my feet back & forth at my cubicle desk, toes & fingernails tapping to a silent beat. Daydreaming is a common pastime now & the large windows behind me beckon.

It's not a bad case of boredom & It's not that I don't like where I am now. May God forgive me if I take what I have for granted. Life is good & I am blessed but I want something more. I am anticipating, restless. It's like I need to be recruited to do a secret mission to save the world or something. Truly, we humans never can be fully satisfied. Am I right?

I can point out two particular things that have just fanned the flames under my seat lately:

Yes, indeedy. Mrs. Ruth Gruber is everything I wish to be. She was at the right places at the right time with the best people. At age 24, she became the youngest to receive a PhD. She was a journalist, humanitarian, writer & photographer. She worked with the US Government, wrote for the Chicago Tribune & the New York Times. She traveled the world, covering events like the Nuremburg trials in 1946 & the aftermath of the Holocaust. She was in Israel during its Independence & met with Ben Gurion many times. Ugh, her accomplishments go on & on. She is goals. It's pretty disappointing & unfair to compare my life with hers but I do it anyway with the expected results. There's just no way of one-upping her life.

I don't remember how I heard about her, but I bought the book used & now I will never part with it...but I probably won't read it again. We have the perfect love-hate relationship.

Hamilton, on the other hand, just gets me going, I heard about it at work but it wasn't until my sister played the first song did I get hooked. It's so catchy, witty & downright genius. Lin Manuel-Miranda is just that. It's exactly what I like: historical, sarcastic, adventurous, tasteful cussing & set to good music. History Has It's Eyes on You always gives me goosebumps. Every time. Lafayette's voice is gorgeous, Burr's is too. I read that the Roots helped Manuel-Miranda with the music. Genius move.

So there you have it. I am an antsy fidget stumbling upon mounds of sugary gems. It doesn't help, but boy is it good! Does that even make sense?

-K. Bye

CSUF Pinning Ceremony, Spring 2016

Tintype

I am thoroughly fascinated with/by/in history.

So a few years ago my local community college offered a class in their catalogue that caught my eye: History of Photography; online course; 4 credits

The class was being taught that summer so of course I jumped on it. Sure it was an online class and an accelerated course , sure it wasn't a "required" class for my degree thing. But it was going to be about the HISTORY. OF. PHOTOGRAPHY.

How was I supposed to say no to that? All I had learned up until then was the HOW of taking photos like composition, DOF, exposure, shutter speed, camera make & models & the like. All very technical stuff which is necessary of course. But not only did i want to learn the how, but I wanted to know who shot what, when & where. I mean, don't you every wonder who made the first photograph & camera ever?

That summer was spent in solitude with my laptop taking quizzes, writing, reading & the like. The course was quite rigorous as expected but so very interesting. Turns out, the first photographers were curious chemists.

The class was told that the final was going to be on campus. I show up, it's about 9 in the morning, a sunny 75 degrees outside already. We take the exam, after which, the professor announces that she invited a local artist to make a special presentation. About a third of the class books it & leave. The rest of us were led outside to an open, grassy area where a huge box sat on a tripod. A chair was set up nearby. My heart leaped.

The huge box was actually a camera, sitting in all its bulky, wooden glory, complete with the black drape behind it to block out the haters.

Lisa Dodge is her name.

Not the camera's of course, but the magician, the chemist, the photographer who is able to freeze a moment of time & convert it into the tangible that can last almost forever.

She showed us the wet-plate process that was first used during the American Civil War era. This involved coating a tin sheet with a light-sensitive liquid & then exposing it using a big camera like the one chilling on the lawn. And do you know what she did?

She took my photo. MINE.

I was ecstatic, though you couldn't tell much by my expression. The exposure was for about 30 seconds even in the midday sunlight. You try holding a LEGIT smile for that long with the sun punching your eyes. Didn't want to risk it, so I chose the next best thing.

After taking a few other exposures (photos in their baby stage) she took us to the darkroom & showed us where the real magic happens. It took us time to adjust our eyes to the dark & red lights. The room smelt of chemicals. She explained the process, removing the tin sheets from light-proof cases & dipping them into different watery trays, some for a mere few seconds, others for full minutes.

A week or so later, my professor gives me the finished tintype you see above & below.

It was kind of funny showing the tintype to my aunts & grandma. They swore it was a great aunt from time past. I can't blame them, the way my hair was braided & the sweater I wore that morning, I looked the part.

This was one of my favorite memories in my career so far in photography. The tintype is one of the things I hold very dear. Perhaps when you come & visit I'll let you hold it.